Overly attached

It triggers me to write about this person's tweet. I dont know it just something that i had in mind and i wanna let it out. You may agree or disagree or dont read at all.

Ok recently i read a tweet and the tweet kinda look like this; "Aku tak respect perempuan yang terlalu taksub dengan teman lelaki. Kahwin pun belum dah heboh satu dunia. Malulah sikit"

First of all i am that kind of gurl you been tweeting about. As the saying goes siapa makan cili terasa pedas nya. Memang tbh terasa jugak if it wasnt for me pun tempias terkena sikit. But! Its a good thing this person tweeted on this issue so i know lah what she think of the people yang overly attached macam i ni.

I am overly attached i wont deny it. Tbh, i appreciate my boyfriend's existence and the best part of all, he has split personality. His friends nampak dia ni jenis introvert, tak selalu senyum, nampak macam ada masalah, selalu berkerut etc etc. Yup i heard alot from people some even cakap hes sombong and all. His family nampak dia jenis can be count on and a great brother to mingle with. And i nampak hes going to be a very good and responsible husband. Bila orang cakap dia tak senyum bila terserempak thats when people should know dia memang macamtu. But when hes with me, hes a different person. Totally different person. He talks a lot like a little child. Hes active, cheerful and sometimes he dances when i asked him to dance while we were on the road listening to the radio.

And i always want to write about him because hes like a book and not an open one. Hes like a diary to be precise. Hes unpredictable sometimes and is so kind hearted. He appreciates his blood bros and the love he has for his mother and his siblings is beyond words. He never calls me with any insulting names memang tak pernah call me gemuk ke lengan macam ikan paus ke eyebag macam kantung kangaroo ke. Nope, nada. Tak pernah. I was the one yang suka insecure dengan my whole features but he'll convince me that im not like that. Dia jarang marah i but when he does im in a big trouble. Not once, dia reject my calls or leaving my text unreplied. Satu hari je bila dia tak check on me pun i dah menggelabah rindu (macam kes takde line masa dia dekat Pulau Perhentian haritu)

I admit that i memang overly attached or can i say that i obsess dengan my boyfriend. And i believe thats none of anyone's business to be concerned about. Its not like im obsessed with someone else's husband or boyfriend kan? And yes i belum kahwin, i belum ada apa apa hubungan dengan dia then the cliche part when people cakap "bukan main heboh kat orang pasal boyfriend dia tu. Konon sweet sangat lah macam dia sorang ada boyfriend, kang tup tup tak jadi. Buat malu je" 

Damn gurl.... you been growin hatred in ur heart. cmon boleh kan doa untuk we both murah rezeki, kahwin awal, dipermudahkan jalan and all those stuffs. Your saliva wont cost a penny pun if you doa for other people's happiness. If my conversation on timeline bothers you, might just block me or mute ke if that'll make you happier then just do it. Its not the matter of putuskan silaturahim for god sake dont be that narrow. Unfollow orang doesnt mean you putuskan silaturahim. Yalah, if you tak suka then why bother baca then comes one statement "tak ingin nak baca, dah keluar timeline terbaca pulak" thats why theres a mute button awak. Mute je, habis cerita. I mute and block people a lot srsly. Taksub ke tak taksub ke thats my problem and thats just me. Serious if you rimas then you may unfollow no kidding no hard feelings.

Please, doakan. Jangan lah hina just because we sin differently than you sebab you tak ada boyfriend. Me and him sendiri tak suka bercinta lama lama. And we acknowledge the fact there shouldnt be no love before marriage, kena jaga ikhtilaat and having a boyfriend is haraam. But in case youre wondering we only met once in a month and my younger brother will teman every we go. My dad has been taking care of me. I may have complaint about why my parents are strict im 22, people of my age boleh je suka hati keluar dengan bf yada yada but hes my dad and he knows the fact that when two person went out together syaitan will be joining the party. Ya Allah im thankful. Right now i rasa nak menangis having to think of the sins ive been doing and giving freely to my dad :'(

Please, i mintak doakan that we both akan kahwin one day, takda masalah dan dipanjangkan jodoh sampai bila bila

We have future plans, next year or two years ahead that depends. There are alot of aspects need to be taken into consideration. Financially, emotionally and our readiness to uphold these responsibilities. We dont have to tell people about what our plans are sebab god will decide whats best and whats not. Lambat atau cepat kahwin, we solely depend on Allah. Jangan lah doakan we both break up takut takut nanti benda tu terpalit kena awak pulak.

Doakan yang baik baik tau, i cannot repay ur kind duas but insya Allah, Allah Swt knows what lies in your heart and you will be rewarded for ur kindness. Thankyou for reading xx

Quality over quantity?

I'm that kind of friend who will try my hardest to help my friends especially when they need my shoulders to cry ke when they need my advice ke atau if they need help when it comes to checking their grammar mistakes untuk assignment ke atau anything lah i shouldnt state here kang kata riak pulak. So i hereby saying that, as long as i can help you, i'll help

I have (or can i say 'had'?) this one friend, bfr this we both had an argument over something pastu i blocked her bcs that was the only way that i can do to make me feel better and to avoid more tak puas hati feelings ke apa kan. But then one day, i unblocked dia balik and tried to ask her if she could forgive me for all my wrongdoings. Mula mula dia kata dia tak ambil pusing apa apa, i was so glad to know that at first but later she asked "why all of the sudden?" So i told her that i sincerely want us to be okay again and no issue between us dah. Plus waktu tu i told her i wanted to change since Ramadhan was just around the corner

Sadly, she refused to believe me when she posted something pasal my intention. Padahal my intention was good. After mintak maaf i tried to make conversation lah kan to elak the awkwardness. I asked her about her being a replacement teacher. I tanya lah how she applied for cikgu ganti, macam mana gaji and did she choose the school by herself atau dapat sekolah tu randomly ke apa, the questions were basic bcs to me, tak ada salah nya tanya nasihat? It was really sad to read her replies when dia cakap "kau pergi lah sendiri tanya kat sana. Mak bapak aku pun tak tolong. Aku pergi sendiri je" 

Eversince then i dont talk to her dah. Little did i know it was a big issue for her bcs later her friend pulak out of nowhere cari pasal. Ended up, everything went down the drain and i explained every little details and whats worse was when she twisted the whole thing as if i mintak maaf tu semata-mata nak tanya pasal cikgu ganti padahal dah explain? Dont matter, ive been knowing her since school and that was her perangai all along. Tak pernah berubah rupanya.

This post wasnt meant to tell everyone how bad she was or how bad she treated me, but what im trying to tell is that;

1. If someone ask for your forgiveness, forgive them. Dont go around telling people they are not sincere and its not genuine ke apa bcs we dont know what lies in their heart kan?

2. If you already ask someone to forgive you and they didnt do the same in return, biarkan. Youve done your part

3. When someone plays victim so people would be on their side, biarkan. The truth will be told one day

4. When someone said they dont stalk/talk about you, but the fact that you know the truth, just let them be

5. If someone ask for your help, help them without terms & conditions. Bcs you will never know kalau misal kata one day you got into trouble then nobody was there to help, seriously when you help someone, God will ease your way

6. Bila takde mood atau penat pastu orang mintak tolong padahal they all boleh buat sendiri, try to help them as sincere as you can (still struggling on this point right here)

7. If someone needs your help especially on the things youre good at, try not to be harsh on them macam 'ni pun tak reti buat ke?' 'benda senang je kot' bcs thats the whole point. Kalau orang tu tahu, dia tak mintak tolong :)

8. Dont throw away your old friends, just bcs you make new friends kat tempat baru. And dont blame your old friends if they dont tegur you when they see you kat luar ke kat mall ke

9. Maybe its true that some would choose quality over quantity but i believe in kindness. If youre kind to others and sayang every each of your friends, you would wanna keep all of them so you could meet them in Jannah

And last but not least,

10. In the end, if your friend brings no good to you or when asik lah ada issue, i believe that we should let these kind of people go. At the end of the day, no one gets hurt and everyone can live their life happily

Anyway, if i have ever wronged you, hurt your feelings or threw harsh words at you please do forgive me and let me know what i did wrong. The truths may hurt, but lies are even worse. Have a great life ahead. May we all meet in Jannatul Firdaws one day! Aameen xx

Its just something that i had in mind

Have you ever felt like being intimidated by yourself bcs of your own flaws? I remember when my life was a total wrecked bcs i was considered as overweight. I hate putting on jeans and i don't really like to wear long sleeves. The moment i thought i need to change and transform myself was when our family went to Sabah and i dont even have anything proper to wear. Until today masih regret bcs i dont have any decent pictures in Sabah bcs of how i looked then. I got so insecure and not to mention how often faisal had to listen to me rambling abt my weight, how my arms were flabby and how obvious my double chin was. 

Ever since i first started going to the gym, my parents and faisal have been given me continuous supports. Some of my friends told me that i look different than i was before and what makes me happier, ive been skipping gym for almost 2 weeks plus (but still went for jogs) and my weight hasnt change at all. I trust my journey and i'll work harder to regain back my confidence that was once gone. I'll be a brand new person and hoping the old giggly, fun and at the same time annoying Adawiyah will still remain the same

Two months

I have never accomplished anything (not referring to academic) and often i cepat sangat give up bila i tak dapat fast results. After two months of struggling, sweating and having sore muscles, i gotta say i am proud of myself for losing 8kg and this hasnt stop selagi tak achieve 50kg. 

Awal-awal bulan after i started my mission, ada lah juga patah semangat pastu nangis sebab kawan sendiri dah turun berat from 75kg to 62kg dalam masa yang singkat. Mula-mula break down jugak sebab rasa macam pointless lah benda ni, baru turun 3kg macam tak nampak perubahan langsung. Tapi i managed to get myself back on track since i dapat support from my family, Faisal and friends, I started to take things positively bcs dudeeee, youre halfway there weh and you wanna give up??? 

I just hope things will get even better soon.......

Appreciating You #3

I'm dedicating this post to my dearest boyfriend ever. Thank you sayang for having me in your life, for taking care of me, for treating me nice and for being the guy who supports me all the time; who never fails to make me laugh and smile. I know sometimes i can be a little bit rough on you. I'm sorry if i hurt you, if i fail to understand you and i'm sorry if i'm not good enough. And i am sorry if i go against you by the things you did or said. I'm sorry if i am mean to you. I'm sorry if i am impatience. I'm sorry if i messed up and i'm sorry if i made you cry. 

You're one in a million sayang

I know how hard i am for you to handle. I know its difficult to understand me. Take all the time you need to better understand me because i will never leave. I love you that i cant stay mad at you for long. You know that dont you? tak susah sangat nak pujuk i sebenarnya bcs you know what you know. Dah kawin nanti you can smother me all you want. Thank you for appreciating me, for being faithful and for sacrificing your time and energy just to make me feel happy. Thank you for all the things you gave and thank you for loving me for what i am. 

Nobody has stayed this long. Nobody can truly accepts me; all of the secrets i had and all of the dark sides of me. You accept me, you tahu all of my flaws; but you still choose to stay. I'm grateful and i can never tell how much you mean to me by words. I cant even build a good sentence to express this feeling i'm having inside my heart, i cant describe it beautifully sayang :( 

Come what may, i will always be with you through it all and we will make it til the end.

Happy Men's Day. I love you sayang