In sickness and in health

(I noticed I havent post this on blog, it was on my MEMO, so let me just leave this here)

29 August 2016, 11.27 AM

I've been admitted into hospital since Wednesday, August 24, I was expected to go through surgery on Thursday nak buang apendiks but something came up so they delayed the surgery on Friday lah pulak. Faisal turun melaka from Shah Alam, around 12 lebih macam tu baru dapat jumpa dia during visiting hour. I can tell that he's worried sick bila tahu I akan go through operation. My parents and a few other relatives pun paid a visit after they heard the news. At 430 pm, Faisal datang lagi and waited until 7 pm. Dah habis waktu melawat, salam salam mak abah and they told me everything will be okay jangan risau sangat. Faisal sat still beside me and just stare at me.... lama. I asked him if he could stay tapi dia cakap dia kena balik. 

Somehow i sedih sebab :

1. He had to leave 

2. He'll be far away 

3. I wont be seeing him tomorrow after surgery dah settle 

I began to cry because I couldnt hold it back. He looked at me effortlessly but I bet his mind viciously think of where would he be staying for the night. Then Faisal cakap 'ok i stay, takpa'. Right then I felt guilty for being a crybaby and a nuisance. At 8 pm, doktor buat check up, dia suruh I bukak puasa padahal I dah puasa dari pukul 2 pagi. 18 hours I tak makan tak minum apa apa, and they didnt provide me food. The nurses suruh makan apa yang ada and I only have biscuits. I had to call Faisal and ask if he could buy me food. Again, I felt horrible sebab kena susahkan dia hantar makanan. I went off my bed nak pergi ambik air plus risau if he couldnt get through mak guard kat pintu masuk wad so I waited for him at the front room. Masatu I can still walk like normal people tak sakit teruk sangat. Then I saw Faisal walking towards me sambil pegang bubur ayam MCD.. His face was full of worries, tambah dgn muka penat. I couldnt hold my tears sebab terharu so I nangis when he said goodbye, take care, I love you.

The next day, I masih tunggu call from operation room. I puasa lagi from 12 am sebab I tidur awal. At 1230 pm faisal cakap dia dah gerak masuk hospital, right at that moment there was this nurse, she came to me sambil bawak baju putih, she asked me to change my clothes. That time I dah start shivering, my hands and feet sejuk macam ais because I was so scared, worried and anxious. The patient next to my bed started crying because she was scared too. The moment I lay down at the wheeled hospital bed I started to think macam macam. I couldnt stop berzikir because at that time I fikir what if today was my last day. Dahla banyak dosa dengan tuhan. Hospital melaka is near to Masjid al Azim; it was Friday & waktu they pushed me into operation room, ayat-ayat al quran yang orang masjid pasang sebelum solat Jumaat soothed out my feelings. Somehow like telling me it's going to be fine.

The operation room was as cold as ice. The doctors started to pasang things here and there, put on breathing mask, ask me to breathe in breathe out, baca doa & dua kalimah syahadah, cucuk bius and everything turned dark. The next thing I know one of the doctors pat my shoulder suruh I sedarkan diri. That moment wallahi, I senyum & praised Allah for giving me another chance to live because we never know when is our last. I felt so sleepy, my head was spinning plus tekak rasa loya nak muntah probably bius masih kuat lagi and honestly I couldnt feel my legs and couldnt move my hands.

Setiap kali I terjaga I tried to move my legs, I tried to see things clearly sebab sumpah it was all blurry. The moment I rasa kaki I boleh gerak, I terus panggil doktor and tanya what time was it. Terkejut weh it was 4 pm, I rasa sekejap sangat dalam bilik operation sebab I passed out tak sedarkan diri langsung.

They transferred me back to my ward & baring kan I slowly atas katil. I terus capai phone dalam laci & whatsapp my family & faisal. While waiting for them to come at 430 pm waktu melawat, I took a quick nap. Masatu rasa nak tiduuuuuur je.

"Sayang.... bangun." I celik mata terus nampak Faisal on the right side of my bed. His face appeared sad and gloomy. He sat next to me and just stare quietly. It was so peaceful and my heart was content. At 5 pm everyone started to come and visit. Thank you for those who pay me a visit, sincerely. I couldn't ask for more.

That night I tidur awal sangat, the whole day I mengantuk gila. I terjaga pukul 1 pagi sebab nurse kejut orang sebelah pergi operation room. Alhamdulillah dah lepas surgery, dah tak rasa takut so I macam tenang dan relaks je. I check phone and I received this long text from Faisal.

"I've seen you at your weakest condition. I betul tak sampai hati nk tinggalkan u smlm. Sbb tu i pilih utk stay satu mlm. Then bila u ckp u lapar, pastu u mintak tlg tu i tau mesti u nk mkn. Takkan i nk biar u berlapar? Walaupun jauh sket dr tmpt i duduk, i pegi jugak hntr makanan dkt u. Dpt jumpa kejap, then u nangis. Lg la buat i tak sampai hati nk balik. Kalau boleh peluk, dah peluk awk dah smlm. I tried my best to be there for you when you need me, when there's no one that could help you. I'm not a hero, not even a saint. I just want you to feel better. I'm happy that i met you even not like always, but it's you. I don't care what condition, walaupun kejap jumpa, tp i sgt happy. Alhamdulillah semuanye okay. I sgt risaukan u. I risau kalau smlm tu last i jumpa u. Hanya Allah je tau ape i rasa time tu, time td masa u ckp nk operate dah. I rasa sgt bersyukur bila u whatsapp i. I sayangkan u sgt2 sayang. Lg 48days kte nk kawin. Can't wait for that moment. I'm so excited! And i mintak maaf kalau ade kekurangan dkt i. I dah cuba yg terbaik."

Wallahi, this is the saddest text I ever received.

It was painful to get off from bed, it was painful to sit, it was painful to lay back in bed and it was terribly painful to even walk straight. I discharged on Saturday and still recovering.

Alhamdulillah for another chance to live..... all better now.

Part 2 : Resepsi #adahxfaisal

Reception 

Venue: Dewan Stadium Hang Jebat

Date: 15 October 2016

Time: 1115 am

"Pakteh bagi kamu masa sampai 12 pm nak bersiap." 

How kelam kabut! Kena get ready dalam tempoh masa yang pakteh bagi, tak cukup masa kot. As we reached Faisal's homestay, jadi lagi kelam kabut bila I kena siapkan suami all by myself. Pakaikan samping, & buatkan bunga on the right side of his pinggang PHEWW THAT WASNT AS EASY AS I THOUGHT! Nasib baik makndam from Mentari Kreatif (our andaman which we rent the baju pengantin from) taught me how to put it on him. I siap rakam video tutorial but still kesian kat suami his samping tak berapa kemas. 

Aqila (MUA) betulkan my eye part and tukar sikit my lip color pastu we realize that time was ticking so fast me and Faisal jadi lagi jadi gelabah gila. Or was it just me? I pakai baju, tudung, veil all by myself and both of us had to drag some time until its 1230 pm. Dalam kereta, pakteh cakap "kalau 1240 tadi kamu tak siap lagi, pakteh dah ketuk pintu dah. Kesian orang nanti tunggu lama"

STRESS WOI. Masa tak cukup langsung as if that day masa bukan berjalan, dia dah pandai berlari! 

We managed to arrive at the dewan dalam pukul 1. Terus masuk dewan and dapat makan, yay! Honestly lauk sedap gila but my corset ketat nak mampuih, I had to eat so little. Sumpah if i didnt pakai corset i makan sampai kenyang. The funny thing was, I punya perut growling all the time not to mention how gassy it was inside my perut to the point I kena tahan kentut the whole day haha k fani sangat kan? hmmm

 Faisal peluk mummy like he didnt want to let go. 

 My girls (housemate)

 Three down, one to go!

 Orang kuat majlis. Thank you mak abah, my family, friends and all! I couldnt thank enough after all that you did just to make this day goes well and smooth.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Outdoor Photoshoot 

Venue: Pantai Puteri

Date: 15 October 2016

Time: 0530 pm 

And that's a wrap! I'll update the third post for my majlis bertandang once I dapat gambar from photographer nanti. My last post nanti I nak share all the tips like baju nikah dari mana, baju resepsi from which andaman and katering so on so forth lah. Korang stay tuned ok! :*

Thank you

I nak post this entry just to give thanks to someone who once told me that faisal was just a bad memory in her past. The one who said he's nothing. To you he is.

Thank you for letting him go, thank you for giving up on him and thank you that youre now happily moving on with your life and not for a second you fikir pasal dia. Thank you for calling it off and thank you because you walked away.

He isnt perfect. He has his own bad but tolerable side but he isnt what you thought he was. He's not even close to what you said. He's kind and loving. He's more, way more than you could have imagine.

I may not be perfect for him either, but we'll go through everything, we went through a lot for 4 years insya Allah, we will stay together for as long as we live, we'll love each other forever.

Thank you, even when i know you tak baca pun. I dont hate you or even trying to bring your old and long forgotten memories back. 

I just wanna thank you. For leaving.

Quickie

So. Hi!

I dah lama gila tak blog about anything, my last post was a month ago which i update on our 4th anniversary. Still cant get over the fact that me and him has been knowing each other for four freakin years. The longest relationship i pernah go through and we both have gone through a lot seriously. We fight banyak kali, tapi people around me thought that we both tak pernah gaduh langsung pun. Well, maybe we're good at hiding it? Yela, kalau gaduh on social media, sedih 24/7 on twitter nanti mulalah ada orang tepuk tangan.............. huhuhuhu

Sebenarnya i nak cerita benda lain. Tapi takpelah memang dah biasa, dah common sangat buat random post ni. Uh, yeah, since i dah lama tak post kan. Why not i cerita apa yang tengah berlaku sekarang. And since tak ramai yang aktif blogging, then again, why not i cerita sini je so that takde orang kecam haha

Ok first exciting news! Abah nak jumpa faisal before meeting his parents.

Second! Abah decided that we both kahwin on November (insya Allah, doakan tau!)

Third......... semuanya masih lagi dalam perancangan. Lambat atau cepat kita tak tahu sebab yang di atas lagi tahu what will happen in our future so i tawakal & redha (sambil kumpul duit hihi) 

I am the last daughter yang belum kahwin, two of my sisters dah kahwin. My parents agak strict pasal certain things like tak boleh overnight rumah kawan, balik rumah lambat lambat & tak boleh dating berdua dengan faisal. But having thought of it, they werent being strict, thats what parents SHOULD be doing. Guarding their daughters, tak bagi keluar berdua dengan lelaki and stuff like that. If i am a parent, i would be doing the same kind of method to my children. 

I dont get to travel outside melaka, i tak boleh naik kl sendiri without any valid and strong reason. Walhal i satu jenis manusia who likes doing extreme sports, who likes to go for a hike and who likes to travel sebenarnya. But since, i dont have my driver's licence and if i do have one, i still cant go out of melaka. Not that my reason nak kahwin sebab i nak get away from my parents. No. Tapi it would be wonderful if i could travel, jadi backpacker dengan my husband, pergi hiking, buat extreme sports or simply just go out and have fun dengan suami. Seriously kan.... that would be nice. 

Frankly speaking it wasnt because of the 'kahwin awal' trend or i nak show off my husband to all. I nak kahwin sebab i nak redha Allah & i nak hubungan yang baik & hubungan yang boleh bagi pahala berduyun-duyun dengan faisal bukan hubungan seumpama yang sekarang ni. I have sinned too many....... we both have. 

I just hope semuanya baik-baik. 

I pray that semuanya akan jadi baik-baik.

What If

What if today's date, back in 2012 didnt happen? What if i decided to further my study in tesl instead of taking accounting like how my dad told me? What if i decided to go for SPA intake and pursue my study in nursing? What if you masuk uitm puncak perdana instead of uitm lendu? What if you tak sambung pun and decided to kerja with your dad? What will happen if i ignored you the moment you approached me on Facebook IM? What do you think is going to happen to us? Will there even be us?

Looking back on our past has made me realize that there were so many 'what ifs' like what would happen if you tak bagi i second chance? What if you dah move on and fell in love with someone else and what if that night you didnt pick up my call? We got separated, we were so far apart. 

But God knows, maybe we were meant to be. You and i were meant for something better. 

Look at us now......

We're SOOOO in love just like the first time we met. We still have butterflies in our tummy. We still have awkward moments bila kita tak jumpa for a very long period. We still get excited bila ada cerita best. You tak pernah berubah sedikit pun. I hope we both stay like this forever. Always loving and supporting each other. I hope when we have kids, they'll see how much we love one another.

And look at what we have achieved and yet to achieve. I'm looking forward for everything that is going to happen this year 

I love you, sayang. I have never loved someone like how i love you. It used to be one heck of a cliche quote we found on tumblr, but i mean it. I never loved someone as much as i love you. 

Happy 4th Anniversary sayang saya, Faisal Hadi bin Abdul Aziz. You mean the world to me. 

Ingat! nanti jangan dua kali lafaz tau..............

4/2/2012 - forever